There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
