i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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