she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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