that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
