you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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