ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
