if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Four minutes until I can fart!
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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