I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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