It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize