Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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