Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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