something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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