At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
