i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize