he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
