PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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