I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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