i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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