A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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