i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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