we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
