Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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