What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
