pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
