I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
