you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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