If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
