Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Houston, we have a blender
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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