we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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