I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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