My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
