If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
