Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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