Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
