I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
