The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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