I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize