the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
ugly people sure do ruin things
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
