You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
