I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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