from now on my penis is your penis
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
