Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
