Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
