well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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