hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
