two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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