Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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