we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
