just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
should my penis look like a turkey
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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