I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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