I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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