I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
