Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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