thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't think brook has ever known best
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
