I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
