and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
