We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
