So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
not ubering you a puppy
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
