the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
