1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
