She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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