Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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