I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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