He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
