It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
