I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
