How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize