Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
