if i can run in heels then i can drive
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
