I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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