Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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