They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize