CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
